What Was Wrong

Installment I:

Where do I begin? Beginning with the first signs and symptoms of Narcolepsy and Celiac Disease seems like the most appropriate place to start; however, it's too much to untangle in one post. For now, it makes sense to begin with my pregnancy, since that's really the point at which I lost all ability to cope. 

One of the most important things to note is that I had terrible morning sickness, which, to be more accurate, should be called all day and night sickness. I was sick for the first eight months of my pregnancy, and by the time the daily vomiting had subsided, I was too enormous to enjoy it. It seemed the only thing that settled my stomach was bread and cheese. The ungodly number of grilled cheese sandwiches I consumed is terrifying to think about, especially now that I know I was poisoning myself along with my unborn son. Sadly, it would be another five years before I figured out that I have Celiac Disease. 

I still feel guilty about my grilled cheese sandwich diet while pregnant, and the extent of my gluten and dairy addiction continues to perplex me. It's weird that the things that were killing me were the very things that I craved on a daily basis. In fact, since I was a child, it seemed like bread and cheese were the only foods that calmed my stomach.

Long story short-- after the birth of my son, I literally lost my mind. I could not think clearly, my memory was going, and I was terrified that I had early Alzheimer's. I suffered from debilitating fatigue, anxiety, and depression, all of which make sense now but at the time, caused me to question my very existence. It is difficult to admit just how suicidal I had become, but with the help of my partner and son, both of whom have never once given up on me, I continued to push through.